[REVIEW] Daughter of Darkness – V. C. Andrews

V. C. Andrews [also published as Virginia Andrews]
Daughter of Darkness (Kindred, Book 1)
Simon & Schuster (US & CA: 26th October 2010; UK: 1st November 2010; AU: October 2011)
Buy (US) Buy (UK) Buy (CA) Buy (Worldwide)

Virile young men are brought to him as sacrifices. The women who bait the targets are favoured above the other females. The girls live in luxury with one catch: they must never fall in love.

So you can predict what happens: Special Snowflake teenager Lorelei Patio falls in love. You would’ve thought she’d learn her lesson after the relationship with her first boyfriend does not end well. But Lorelei is motivated by hormones rather than love, as far as I can tell – and the boys only comment on her beauty and mystery, so it’s not like she’s a good laugh or particularly brainy.

Anyway, VCA vampires consist of one male with a bunch of females to bring him sacrifices and birth his children (but what would happen if a boy was born?). Man-periods and lady-boners, y’all:

“I’m not a baby, but I need what I need to live and grow brought to me periodically, too. Periodically,” he continued before I could ask, “means once every month in this case.”

Which of course reminds me of Family Guy (and I wish this quote was in gif):

Lois: “Don’t worry, kids; I promise we can visit him once a month.”
Chris: “We’ll be his period.”

So Sergio requires “virile young men”, but “only for what’s in their veins. It has to do with hormones, too…” Which is a fancy way of saying, “This is totally not gay.” Though it kind of is. Is female blood not good enough? Oh, and the blood of gay men isn’t good enough for Sergio, either. He seems bi, but only gay for not-gay guys. How can someone who’s lived for centuries be so closeted?

When someone accuses Lorelei of being gay (because she turned down a bloke), she retorts that the accuser and her friends are lesbians, and makes up a spiel of stuff that never happened. This may count as lesbian-shaming, and makes Lorelei seem like a real bitch.

Anyway, Lorelei’s sex scenes are kind of hilarious:

“You’re harder than I am,” he muttered.

One would’ve thought nothing would deflate a lady-boner faster than being accused of having more of a boner than a man. But the lady-boner sex continues.

Enough with the funny quotes. Here’s an awful one:

“You’re too beautiful not to forgive.”

*headdesk*

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